A woman expecting her first child wonders whether to contact her mother, who has mental health problems. Mariella Frostrup says there may be benefits to doing so
The dilemma I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my mother. She has mental health problems, few friends and feuds with family members. She was physically abusive and mentally controlling when I was young. When I was 16 she pushed me out of a car because I was 10 minutes late to meet her. If things break she won’t get them fixed. Her washing machine broke 15 years ago and she has been hand washing ever since, resulting in RSI.
I went to university, got therapy and “moved on”, although I had self-esteem issues and an eating disorder as a teen. In my 20s I tried to have a relationship with her, but my tolerance for her obsessive behaviour has lowered. I met my husband four years ago and she took an angry dislike to him – since then our relationship has deteriorated. It’s been more than a year since we’ve been in contact.
Drop her a card and leave it to her to reply. If it comes with emotional tripwires step away
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