My husband left for work at 3am that day because he was working remotely with colleagues in Australia. Heavily pregnant, I awoke as my husband left and read for a couple of hours before falling back to sleep. I woke again at 8am to find my waters had broken. “No. It can’t be,” I thought to myself. I was booked in for a caesarean section in two days’ time. I telephoned the labour ward and they told me to come into hospital. The incredible midwives, obstetricians, anaesthetists, foetal cardiologists and neonatologists were prepared for this eventuality.
Joshua had been diagnosed with a severe and complex pulmonary arteriovenous malformation (PAVM) seven weeks earlier at 31 weeks’ gestation. We later found out the PAVM had been caused by hereditary haemorrhagic telangiectasia, a rare and poorly understood genetic condition which affects blood vessels in the body. We had been told there was a chance Joshua could die of heart failure at any moment before, during or after birth.
Related: A moment that changed me: not standing up for my dying mother | Carina Stephens
After spending two hours with Joshua, we held him in our arms until he took his last breath
Related: 15 ways to support someone who is grieving
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