I want to shout at – and even hit – thoughtless friends who complain about their difficult pregnancies, and who have good news at their 12-week scans
I’ve recently had a third miscarriage in just over six months. They have all been very early (between five and seven weeks) and my feelings about them change day-to-day: some days it feels absurd to be so upset about pregnancies that I only knew about for a couple of weeks, other days it is just so painful. I’m also increasingly scared that I may never have children. I have been referred for further investigations, but I know enough to know that for most couples this doesn’t provide answers. They just have to keep trying, even though the odds of success go down with each miscarriage. I’m very scared of this being me.
What troubles me most, though, is that I’m scared it’s turning me, or that I’m letting myself turn, into a horrible, jealous person. I hate seeing pregnant women or women with babies. My best friend recently found out she was pregnant (unplanned) and had her 12- week scan showing a healthy baby the day after I had a scan to confirm that the third pregnancy wasn’t developing correctly. I was shocked at the strength of the jealousy and resentment I felt towards someone I love a great deal. I was recently talking to an acquaintance at a wedding who is five months pregnant and she was moaning about how difficult pregnancy was, and I had a huge urge to not just shout at, but hit her. I would obviously never do this, but I was shocked at the strength of my feelings towards a benign if a little thoughtless (I’m pretty certain she knows that my husband and I have been struggling to have children)person.
Continue reading...from Pregnancy | The Guardian http://ift.tt/2wu98Ff
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